The Shnozz Awards

The Avs are having a so-so season this year. Every game it's like the whole team is standing over me, yanking my teeth out one by one. It's ridiculous. It's difficult. They win and lose with the greatest of ease. Sometimes they're the best team in the league, and sometimes I don't think they could win against my team, the Crazy Canucks.

But one thing is for sure, these guys have noses. Of all the teams in the league, perhaps none have better sniffers than do my Avs. It is for that reason I have awarded them the prestigious Thack Shnozz Award (c'mon, they need to win SOMETHING this year).

And here are the top 3 reasons why they are the winners:

#3 Ryan Smyth


Just look at that folks. Stuff has to travel a virtual highway if it ever wants to exit Smyth's shnozz. For those of you from Utah, it's like coming around the Point of the Mountain on I-15. The great thing about Smyth is he's the complete package: Huge nose, great mullet. This picture doesn't quite do him justice, but just check him out in the middle of a game when that mop is all wet and raggedy... It is horrendously fantastic. A true sight to behold. Ryan Smyth is a warrior, and so is his nose.



#2 Adam Foote

Foote's shnoz has sometimes been compared in size to a small country. It is also one of the reasons he manages to hit so hard... He not only uses it to throw a little extra force into his hits, but I hear he has sonar and radar tracking capability packed into that beast. All kidding aside, perhaps no one has earned his bent-up shnozz more than Adam Foote. The crusty defensemen is a horse to play against night in and night out with his physical, in-your-face style. This guy could have taken on Huns, Gladiators, and Hulk Hogan and scared the crap out of all of 'em. I am VERY happy to have him back on the Avs.


#1 Ian Laperriere

Could you really imagine me picking anybody else? Lappy's nose is like a trademark for the Avs. The forward, who claims he's broken the shnoz "6 or 7 times" also said there's no use in fixing it until he retires (because he keeps breaking it). Translation: We shall continue to be blessed by this wonderful piece of art that throws any sense of balance and symmetry off of Lappy's face. The nose is a physical manifestation of Lappy's personality, which is highly comical and outright funny. One of the classiest men in the league (check out any online photo album of Avs charity work and he'll be the first you'll see), he is also one of the toughest players in the league. May his nose continue in all it's glory.

Well Avs, at least you can feel good about something. When Budaj is letting in every puck that comes his way, when Super Joe is doing something ELSE to his back, and when every defenseman on the team goes down with a serious injury, you can can always look to the 2008 Shnozz Awards for some solace.